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Friday, July 06, 2007, 2:25 PM
due 2 e great response of ppl calling me post jokes...i will post sme 2day ok?An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint. 'Your name pls.'?"Abdul Aziz " "Sex? " "Six times a week!! " "No, no, I mean male or female! " "Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on how they died. 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st woman: So what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there some-where that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died! 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both still be alive. **************************************************** Why do we insist on using the Queen's English, whenSinglish is so much more economical and effective?Compare and see! When going shopping... Britains : I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to havethe sweater you want in your size, but if you give mea moment, I can call the other outlets for you. S'poreans: No Stock! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When returning a call... Britains : Hello, this is Mr Bean. Did anyone page forme a few moments ago? S'poreans: Hello, who page? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When someone is in the way... Britains : Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would youplease make way? S'poreans: Lai, siam! or Siam, hor! or Skius! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When someone offers to pay... Britains : Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is onme. S'poreans: no need lah ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When asking for permission... Britains : Excuse me, but do you think it would bepossible for me to enter through this door? S'poreans: (while pointing at door) Can pass or Not? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When asking to be excused... Britains : If you would excuse me for a moment, I haveto go to the gents/ladies. Carry on without me, itwould only take a moment. S'poreans: Go toilet. Buay tahan ahh..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When doubting someone... Britains : I don't recall you giving me the money. S'poreans: Got meh? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When disagreeing on a topic of discussion... Britains : Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. Iunderstand where you're coming from, but I really haveto disagree with what you said about the policy. S'poreans: Talk cock lah you! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When asking someone to lower their voice... Britains : Excuse me, but could you please lower yourvoice, I'm trying to concentrate over here. S'poreans: Eh, Tiam leh! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When asking someone if he/she knows you... Britains : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at mefor some time. Do I know you? S'poreans: See what see?!BUAY SONG AH ************************************************ A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What? " "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,the sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think the farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A 5-YEAR OLD BOY WENT TO VISIT HIS GRANDMOTHER ONE DAY. PLAYING WITH HIS TOYS IN HER BEDROOM WHILE GRANDMA WAS DUSTING, HE LOOKED UP AND SAID, "GRANDMA, HOW COME YOU DON`T HAVE A BOYFRIEND?" GRANDMA REPLIED, "HONEY, MY TV IS MY BOYFRIEND...THE TV EVANGELISTS KEEP ME COMPANY AND MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD AND THE COMEDIES MAKE ME LAUGH. I`M REALLY HAPPY WITH TV AS MY BOYFRIEND." GRANDMA TURNED ON THE TV AND THE RECEPTION WAS TERRIBLE. SHE STARTED ADJUSTING THE KNOBS, TRYING TO GET THE PICTURE IN FOCUS... FUSTRATED, SHE STARTED HITTING THE BACK SIDE, HOPING TO FIX THE PROBLEM. THE LITTLE BOY THEN HEARD THE DOORBELL RING SO HE HURRIED TO OPEN THE DOOR AND THERE STOOD GRANDMA`S MINISTER. THE MINISTER SAID, "HELLO, SON, IS YOUR GRANDMA HOME?" THE LITTLE BOY REPLIED, "YEAH, BUT SHE`S IN THE BEDROOM BANGIN` HER BOYFRIEND." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There were three guys, an American, a Canadian, and a Mexican. They had been travelling for days and were very, hungry. They came across a farm that had hundreds of fruits. While they were eating, the farmer came out and caught them. The farmer said, "Since I'm in a good mood today, I won't kill you... If you stuff 100 of your favorite fruit up your ass without laughing. The American was up first. He chose cherries as his favorite fruit. He got up to 78 and burst out laghing. So the farmer shot him with a shotgun. The Canadian was next and chose grapes. He got up to 92 but started laughing so the farmer killed him too. Then the Canadian and the American arrived up in heaven, an angel asked them why they laughed. They both replied, "We saw the Mexican with durians." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ok..i tink im goin do update all tis 2 day ba... happy reading=) bye! im stil waiting.......... |