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Bolang, BobbyI LOVE FRISBEE :) ZD, RPU I serve in temples Understand me by knowing me: nobody_of91@hotmail.com Tag
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Saturday, July 14, 2007, 1:34 PM
lol...since kah kiat everytime tag my tagboard is toking bout jokes den i will post sme jokes 4 every1 here..=)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand....I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy. "When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding.He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on. When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand.... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"One day I entered Sex in a contest.But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets."You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married. "The Judge said, "Me too!"Last night Sex ran off again.I spent hours looking all over for her.A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex."-- My case comes up next Thursday. Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever.I couldn't live any longer so lonely."and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offeredto donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body thatthe doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked morehandsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just wenton and on about his youthful beauty! One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everythingyou did for me. How can I possibly repay you?""My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's never easy to be S'poreans. Just take a look at the below passage. It's humorous but it's reality also. I am Ong Ah Bee living in Kampong Chai Chee Life used to be simple and HAPPY I worked hard in my STUDIES I learned A-B-C and everything from 1, 2, and 3 Primary school was quite easy I passed PSLE Then I went to SECONDARY The subjects include HISTORY, GEOGRAPHY Physics, Biology and CHEMISTRY After O levels I went to JC I was quite LUCKY This is a small humid tropical COUNTRY Surrounded by unknown potential ENEMIES Boys turned 18 must go to ARMY After that we must continue our Studies The girls can just sit back, relax and watch TV They come to this world only to "Chia Liao Bi" No one lives on free meals or depends on CHARITY I had no money to go to University or Poly So I went to work at a FACTORY Trying to earn a little lousy SALARY After CPF and INCOME TAX, I have just enough money to buy ROTI and ride in MRT Colleagues at work used to be FRIENDLY Always treat me to tea and COFFEE Somehow they turned FISHY Passing bad remarks about me Telling everybody I am LAZY My bosses show me no SYMPATHY Mumbling over my shoulder daily"HURRY, HURRY and HURRY !" Accusing me of always trying to get MC But my sickness was due to over-stretched OT Going home after midnight by TAXI and They pay me only bus fee I Park-Tor and became STEADY Finally had to MARRY I lost money holding Wedding Dinner PARTY Cheeky friends donating only cheap PANTY After marriage, nothing was EASY In one year, I became DADDY I can't support my family and our BABY Being tied down for life to repay HDB and rising monthly utilities to PUB My bank account has NO MONEY POSB balance is almost EMPTY DBS wants to charge me EXTRA FEE Insisting that "Nothing is FREE!" So I moonlight as KARANG GUNI Many times I want to jump into the sea to MATI But that is not EASY My wife cries: "Who is going to support me and our BABY?" So I can't MATII went to seek assistance from the MP His reply was simple and easy:"Vote for me, vote for me, vote for me" He never tell me any convincing Policy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An international president of a social club makes a visit to another town in his district. The prominent members of the club take him to a new zoo. They see a lion and a goat in the same cage. Pointing out the cage to the prominent gathering, he says: "Here is a perfect example of peaceful co-existence, which I always preach." He then asks the zookeeper standing beside the cage: "Tell me, how do you manage this?" "Well, it's very simple, sir," says the zookeeper. "I put in a new goat every day." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A local blind man was eating at America's MacDonald one day. He was blind but he could feel that the burger was big. So he asked someone beside him, "why are the burgers so big?" The American replied him "in America, everything comes in a bigger size." At night, the blind man went for a drink. He felt the glasses are huge so he asked someone beside him "why are the glasses so huge?" The American then replied him "in America, everything comes in a bigger size." After a while the blind man wanted to pee. He asked for direction to the washroom and an American told him the washroom was at 3rd floor. But the blind man went wrongly and fall into a swimming pool on the 2nd floor, he then panicked and shouted "DON'T FLUSH!!! DON'T FLUSH...!!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have anymore children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative, said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10." The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count... "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quitesometime, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me only 5 MONTHS to do it," Ah Beng said. "FIVE MONTHS? Why did you take so long." the friend asked. Ah Beng replied, "No, it is not long at all, look at the box, it says it is for 4 to 7 years". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring lor- but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So Kena lor!" "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to the other ear?" Ah Beng: "That stupid fellow called back again loh!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **MY LIFE** aft e jokes i will now tok about my life lo..hahaha..started my revision oredi.. coz rudy keep on forcing me 2 revise..but it is good..i oni played bball for 2 time tis week nia leh..hahah..ok la..now nth much mre 2 say liao..gtg le bye..hope u all enjoyed e jokes..=) how i wish i could hold u tight...but its impossible now.. |